So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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