My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
