ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
