help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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