pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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