I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
