turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
