There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
