just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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