she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
