I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
