I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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