i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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