What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
