Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
