Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
