Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
