i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
