Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
