So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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