Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
