Yo dont text me then not text me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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