Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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