...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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