The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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