So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
