There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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