Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
