I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
