either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
