fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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