if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
