my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
im six kinds of drunk right now
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
