wakey wakey hands off snakey
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
