My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
