just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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