I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
