after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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