I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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