Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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