Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
