Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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