Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
