First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
