Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
