I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
