Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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