she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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