Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
