escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
