Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
