Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
