Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
